Is co-sleeping between parents and children harmful? Is separate sleeping arrangements more suitable for children aged 5?

Parents sleeping with their children is commonplace in Chinese families today. However, international childcare experts recommend that parents and infants sleep in separate beds. Sleeping together not only increases the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) but also increases the likelihood of precocious puberty in children. Why should parents and children sleep separately?

Why are parents and children not suitable to sleep in the same bed?

1. May easily lead to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)

International childcare experts advise that co-sleeping with infants greatly increases the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Therefore, it is recommended to prepare a separate room for the baby from infancy. Even if parents and baby share a bedroom, the baby must sleep in their own crib, separate from the parents. As the child grows older, separate sleeping arrangements become a natural progression.

2. When children sleep in the same bed with their parents for a long time, they inevitably come into contact with their parents' bodies. For a two-year-old child, this touch may create a sense of security and warmth. However, for a teenager, it may produce natural physiological reactions, and the parents' sexual activity can also have a negative impact on the child.

Experts explain that in some cases, children don't start sleeping separately from their parents until they are 10 years old. This can easily cause psychological distress for the child, especially since they are at a stage where they are most curious about sex. If parents don't help their children understand sexual knowledge through sex education, the child may resort to other means, such as watching inappropriate videos, voyeurism, or early romantic relationships, to satisfy their physical desires. In severe cases, this could lead to pathological psychological problems. Therefore, it is crucial to identify and guide children's sexual awareness as early as possible.

Why is it most suitable for children around 5 years old to sleep in their own rooms?

Experts suggest that children can start sleeping in separate rooms after age 3. The period between 4 and 6 years old is the phallic development stage, and around age 5, children begin to realize the sexual differences between boys and girls, which forms the basis for establishing their gender identity (i.e., confirming whether they are male or female). Attentive parents will notice that children's sexual behavior is relatively active during this period. Therefore, separating children from their parents at this time allows them to have their own space and fosters the development of an independent personality.

Parenting experts, both domestically and internationally, unanimously recommend that children sleep in separate beds. For a child's healthy development, separating from their parents as early as possible is beneficial! It cultivates a child's ability to live independently, helping them gradually understand that they are "growing up" and learn to do things within their capabilities, such as preparing for sleep, covering themselves with a blanket, and getting up on their own in the morning. Once they are accustomed to taking care of themselves, children are more likely to accept other behavioral norms, which greatly helps in forming an independent personality. Sleeping separately also helps children cope with fears (such as fear of the dark, fear of monsters, reluctance to sleep alone), gradually developing good qualities such as courage, resilience, and independence, and learning to gain a sense of security from sources other than their parents. Furthermore, cultivating independent living skills is crucial for a child's adaptation to society and the full development of their intelligence.

How to help children adapt to sleeping in separate beds?

Ensure safety. When letting your child sleep alone, make sure the bed isn't too high off the ground to ensure there's no danger if the child accidentally falls. If you're worried your child will kick off the covers, choose suitable pajamas and different thicknesses of blankets depending on the temperature.

Bedtime shouldn't be lonely. For children with strong attachments or those prone to loneliness, spend more time with them before bed, tell them pleasant stories to help them drift off to sleep, and check on them regularly at night to prevent them from feeling alone. In the initial stages of sleeping in separate beds, if the child is afraid of the dark, place a nightlight by the bed and turn it off as they gradually adjust.

Children's tantrums are hard to resist. When children first start sleeping in separate beds, some children, after their parents have spent a lot of effort settling them in, will run back to their parents' bed as soon as they turn around, or sneak into their parents' bed in the middle of the night and refuse to leave. In this situation, parents must not give in, otherwise all their efforts will be in vain. Parents should patiently persuade their children to return to their own beds, offering words of encouragement. If that doesn't work, parents can stay with their children until they fall asleep again before leaving.